Weekly Ponderings #5: just say yes
I love my girl Rachel Hollis so much. If you don't know who she is, stalk her on instagram now. She's a motivational speaker, author (Girl, Wash Your Face!), momma of 4, life coach, business coach, creator of a QVC clothing line, founder of the Hollis Company....aka she's a badass warrior woman. Her no-nonsense, tough love coaching style really resonates with me and she cracks me up.
She's also got 2 podcasts:
1/ RISE is her business and life podcast. She usually interviews entrepreneurs and people in the personal development space. It's full of real-life, tactical tips for small business owners and basically anyone.
2/ RISE Together is her relationships podcast that she does with her husband Dave. They give advice on different topics each week, drawing on their own experience. I think they're hilarious, and I get some good tips from it, especially if my husband also listens to it.
Last week's RISE episode "Stop Procrastinating!" FIRED 🔥me up on my way to work last Tuesday.
If you're looking for a little (big) kick in the ass to get started on whatever it is you said you'd do one day, listen to it now.
For my less social friends who struggle with the anxiety around committing to social activities:
Unless it's a hard no (e.g. schedule conflict, people or activity you don't like), say YES. Quickly. And don't ask too many questions.
I realize this is opposite of the "if it's not a hell yes it's a hell no" thing (which I also subscribe to), but I feel like that mantra is usually for people who overcommit to things they don't actually want to do. So this advice is for the people who AREN'T saying yes or committing, then end up anxious or stressed thinking about it.
I used to be this way, but this year I've been saying yes a lot and it's FREED me from so much anxiety and wasted energy.
If I don’t have any existing obligations and a friend asks me to do something that I have any remote interest in doing (my bar is low), I say yes. I don’t ask questions. I just commit and trust that when the day approaches we'll figure it out. And it’s been working out really well for me.
Saying yes quickly prevents you from having the option just linger for days or weeks as an open loop to think about doing or not doing. This takes up so much mental capacity and energy. I don't have time for that shiz anymore.
Instead, it's now first come first serve. I manage my life with my Google calendar - I combine work and personal activities. Once I say yes, it goes in. If something else comes up, it’s a no (excluding unique situations).
A new friend of mine noticed this about me and asked if I've always been this way. The answer is hell no. I used to ask a bunch of questions (some out loud, some in my mind) - What time? Where? Who? How will I get there (subway, walk or taxi)? What shoes should I wear to handle the transportation? What will the weather be? Umbrella? etc. Instead of committing to one option, I'd leave my schedule open and other opportunities would creep up and then the questions tripled. Sometimes I'd break down from the anxiety and just cry in my bed and not do anything at all.
At some point in my life though, I just let it all go. It wasn’t a point in time decision I made that I can remember. It was gradual. All I know now is that I have much less anxiety since I've embraced this way of living, and it’s led to so many amazing trips and memories.
Takeaway? If someone you like asks you to hang, say yes, quickly, and ask minimal questions.